In today’s world, Islamic manners for kids (Islamic etiquette for kids) are very important. It is a mission that needs so much attention and dedication from the parents, other members of the family, the School community, the Masjid community, Islamic media, Muslim influencers, etc. It is a collective mission for the good of Muslims as individuals and for the good of Muslim communities as a whole.
In this article, we will talk about the meaning of Islamic manners for kids, and what are important Islamic manners and etiquette that we should teach our kids, why it is so important, and at what age parents should start teaching their kids Islamic manners.
Table of Contents
What Are Islamic Manners for Kids?
Islamic manners for kids refer to the set of etiquettes, behaviors, and moral principles that children in Islam are taught to follow. These manners are rooted in the teachings of the Quran and the Hadith and aim to instill good character, respect, and responsibility in young Muslims.
These manners are not only meant to guide a child’s interactions with others but also to foster a strong sense of spirituality and ethical conduct in their daily lives.
What Is Islamic Etiquette?
Islamic etiquette (aka “Akhlaq” – أخلاق), is a code of good manners that guides Muslims in their daily interactions with Allah, themselves, and others. Islamic etiquette is a generic term that encompasses all aspects of speech, behavior, hygiene, and character, with the main aim of ensuring Muslims’ good character and creating a decent society as a result. In short, Islamic manners encompasses every interaction and behavior in a Muslim’s daily life.
Why Is Teaching Islamic Etiquette for Kids So Important?
Teaching good Islamic manners for kids helps a lot in developing kids’ personalities positively and properly. It has so many objectives. To name but a few:
1- Attaining Allah’s Satisfaction For The Parent And The Kid:
Allah likes those who have the finest morals and manners. In the Quran, Allah praises His Messenger, Muhammad (peace be upon him), saying:
“And you are truly ˹a man˺ of outstanding character.” (The Quran, 68:4)
“وَإِنَّكَ لَعَلَىٰ خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍۢ” (سورة القلم 4).
In this verse, Allah clarifies that His Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) possesses the best of morals.
Also in the Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) urges Muslims to have high morals as he says:
“The dearest and the closest of you to me on the Day of Resurrection will be those who are the best in behavior; and the most hateful and the farthest from me on the Day of Resurrection will be the talkative and the most pretentious and the most rhetorical.” (At-Tirmidhi-Riyad as-Salihin 1738).
إن من أحبكم إلي وأقربكم مني مجلسًا يوم القيامة، أحاسنكم أخلاقاً، وإن أبغضكم إلى وأبعدكم مني يوم القيامة الثرثارون، والمتشدقون، والمتفيهقون”
In this Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) tells us that those who have the finest manners are seated nearest to him on the Day of judgment and the hereafter, and those with the worse manners are seated most far from him then.
2- Personal Development And Strong Character:
It is a fact that instilling Islamic moral values in kids is akin to providing a solid base upon which they can establish their character and personal growth. It gives them the moral compass that guides them in life and makes them understand right and wrong. It enhances their sense of responsibility and makes them able to make good informed choices.
3- Good Social Relationships:
Emotional intelligence and moral growth are closely related. Kids who are taught empathy and compassion can recognize other people’s emotions and respond appropriately. As a result, a sense of accountability for their influence on people around them is cultivated. This enables them to have healthy relationships with others.
4- Self-confidence:
Self-confidence is enhanced by moral decision-making and upholding integrity. Kids’ sense of identity and self-worth is strengthened when they believe they are acting morally.
In this context, it was narrated from the Islamic tradition that Umar Ibn Al-Khatab (who was then the Muslim Caliph) passed by a group of young boys who got frightened by him and ran away except a 7-year-old boy who stood still. That boy was Abdullah Ibn Al-Zubier. When asked why he didn’t run with the boys, he replied: “I had done nothing wrong to be afraid, and the road is wide enough for you to pass”. This self-confidence of that young boy in front of the Caliph of Muslims then, is the direct result of being taught good Islamic manners.
Some Important Islamic Good Manners for Kids:
Teaching kids morals and good manners is the foundation for having a good character for the individual and consequently a strong Islamic society. There are so many good Islamic manners to teach your kid. These can include:
1- Truthfulness:
This is the first moral to teach your kid. Avoid lying, even about small things. Explain that there can be negative consequences to lying such as damaged relationships or broken trust, and that all kinds of lying are intolerable.
Nevertheless, avoid harsh punishments for lying, especially for younger kids. As for older kids, explore real-life situations where truthfulness matters. By consistently telling the truth yourself and creating a safe space for open discussion, you can help your kid develop a strong foundation of truthfulness.
2- Honesty:
Honesty is an important building block for good character and strong relationships. Here are some ways you can teach your kid honesty:
- Explain why honesty is important.
- When your child exhibits honesty, acknowledge and praise them. This reinforces the positive behavior and makes them more likely to be honest again.
- Read books and play games that explore honesty and its significance. Discuss the characters’ choices and the outcomes of their actions.
3- Respect:
Teach your child to respect himself/herself and others. How? Let’s see.
Respect For Himself/Herself:
To teach your kid to respect themselves, praise them for who they are, for how they look, for the good deeds they do, for their school achievements, and for their hard work. Tell him/her to stay true to who they are, and that it is ok to say no to anything they do not like to do. This will improve his/her inner feeling that he/she is a person of dignity.
Respect For Others:
Teach your child that all humans are equal and have the same rights and responsibilities. For example, you can:
1- Introduce the Golden Rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” and talk to them about what this means in real-life situations.
2- Give something to your kid and ask him/her to hand it to a doorman and tell him “thank you”. This will make them realize, practically, that all humans deserve to be respected.
3- Teach him/her not to interrupt conversations. You can do so by listening to them until they finish speaking and then starting to talk. This will make them realize that it is inappropriate to interrupt someone while they are speaking, especially if they are elderly people.
4- If your kid shouts at an elderly person, tell him/her to lower his voice and teach him the Hadith of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him):
“Anyone who does not show mercy to our children nor acknowledge the rights of our old people is not one of us.” (Sahih Al-Albani).
“لَيْسَ مِنَّا مَنْ لَمْ يَرْحَمْ صَغِيرَنَا، وَيُوَقِّرْ كَبِيرَنَا”
5- Praise and acknowledge your kid when he/she shows respect towards others.
6- Read books and tales that emphasize the value of respect. Discuss how the characters treat each other.
7- Deal calmly with your kid’s disrespectful behavior. Tell them why their behavior is wrong and what effect(s) it has on others’ feelings.
4- Empathy And Consideration For Others:
Empathy is a great manner to teach your kid. It is about putting yourself in another person’s position and viewing the world from their perspective. It’s the ability to connect with people, experience their emotions, and react in a way that is sympathetic and compassionate. Below are some practical examples of what you can do or say to make your child feel for others:
1- Teach them that being indifferent to what others feel is something that Allah and his Messenger (peace be upon him) hate. Tell them that they should feel for others even if they are not family or friends.
2- Encourage your kid to see things from other people’s point of view. If another child is sad or is crying, take the opportunity to instill empathy into your kid. Ask him questions like “What do you think he feels?”, “Is it a good feeling?”, “What can you do to help him?” Listen to what they say and let them do it, even if it is as simple as a hug, a pat, or a kind word.
3- Make your kid take part in volunteering activities. This will make him come into contact with less privileged people and be more willing to help the poor and the needy.
5- Respect For Privacy And Boundaries:
Respect for privacy and boundaries is a very important moral to teach your kid. It’s about recognizing the importance of individual privacy and personal space. This is a direct command from Allah in the Quran:
“O believers! Let that ˹bondspeople˺ in your possession and those of you who are still under age ask for your permission ˹to come in˺ at three times: before dawn prayer when you take off your ˹outer˺ clothes at noon, and after the late evening prayer. ˹These are˺ three times of privacy for you.” (Quran, 24:58).
“يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لِيَسْتَـْٔذِنكُمُ ٱلَّذِينَ مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ لَمْ يَبْلُغُوا۟ ٱلْحُلُمَ مِنكُمْ ثَلَـٰثَ مَرَّٰتٍۢ ۚ مِّن قَبْلِ صَلَوٰةِ ٱلْفَجْرِ وَحِينَ تَضَعُونَ ثِيَابَكُم مِّنَ ٱلظَّهِيرَةِ وَمِنۢ بَعْدِ صَلَوٰةِ ٱلْعِشَآءِ ۚ ثَلَـٰثُ عَوْرَٰتٍۢ لَّكُمْ ۚ” (سورة النور 58)
In this verse, Allah commands that the children in any house ask for permission before coming into their parents’ or other family members’ rooms. This adds to the chastity in Muslim homes.
6- Courage And Defending The Oppressed:
Teach your kid to be courageous and defend the helpless. Consider signing your child up for a self-defense course that is appropriate for their age. Then, tell them not to use force except to defend themselves or defend another weak and oppressed person, even if they are not friends of theirs.
7- Patience And Self Control:
Patience is a very important manner to teach your kid. Children who possess patience are better equipped to deal with frustration and learn to wait for what they want. Here are some ways to instill patience in your kid:
– In Ramadan, urge your kid to fast from as early as 7 years old. If they cannot fast the whole day, ask them to fast for a few hours. Fasting builds their sense of patience and teaches them to wait to get what they want.
– Practice taking turns: Games and activities that require taking turns are a great way to teach patience. Even simple things like sharing toys can help your child learn to wait for their turn.
– On some days of the week/month, deliberately give your kid less pocket money to teach him to manage while he has little money.
8- Hygiene And Table Etiquette:
Hygiene and table etiquette are essential life skills that contribute to a kid’s overall well-being. Here are some ways to teach them these necessary skills:
– Ask your kid to wash their hands before and after meals.
– Tell them to close their mouth when chewing.
– Make them cover their mouth with their hand while coughing or yawning.
In the context of table etiquette, Umar bin Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), said to me (when Umar was a little boy): “Mention Allah’s Name (i.e., say Bismillah before starting eating), eat with your right hand, and eat from what is near you.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim).
عن عمر بن أبى سلمة رضي الله عنهما قال: قال لي رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: “سم الله، وكل بيمينك، وكل مما يليك”
In this Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) asked a boy to say “Bismillah” (in the name of Allah) before starting to eat, to eat with his right hand and to eat what is nearer to him.
Building Blocks For Teaching Islamic Manners for Kids:
There are many factors that you need to comprehend, as a parent, so that you can instill good manners into your kid(s). These include:
1- Building Bond With Your Kid:
As a parent, it is very important to understand that teaching manners for kids needs a solid foundation. Let them know you love them unconditionally. This is the emotional bond with your kid. Based upon that bond, he/she will be ready to listen to you, understand your point of view, and follow your instructions. It is that bond that makes them refrain from being stubborn.
This bond with little kids is evident in the life of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) who used to ask a young boy about his bird, saying:
“O Aba `Umair! What did the Nughair (a kind of bird) do?”
.”يَا أَبَا عُمَيْرٍ مَا فَعَلَ النُّغَيْرُ؟”
Even when his little bird died, the boy seemed very sad and Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) consoled him.
2- Role Modeling:
Role modeling is essential for teaching kids good manners. Children are like sponges, soaking up the behaviors and attitudes they see around them. So make sure you consistently demonstrate good behaviors yourself in your interactions with everyone, from family to waiters to strangers on the street.
3- Treating Your Kid as an Adult:
While observing the age-appropriate needs of your kid, you need to treat him/her as an adult. For example, do not choose for them. Let them choose what they want to wear and what colors they like.
It was narrated in the noble narrations of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) that one day the Prophet was brought a drink and he drank some of it. There was a boy on his right and some old men on his left. He asked the boy, “Will you give me permission to give it to these people?” The boy said, “No, Messenger of Allah, I will not prefer anyone to get my portion from you.” So the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) placed it in his hand. (Riyad as-Salihin 760).
أُتِيَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم بِشَرَابٍ فَشَرِبَ مِنْهُ وَعَنْ يَمِينِهِ غُلاَمٌ وَعَنْ يَسَارِهِ الأَشْيَاخُ فَقَالَ لِلْغُلاَمِ: “أَتَأْذَنُ لِي أَنْ أُعْطِيَ هَؤُلاَءِ”. فَقَالَ الْغُلاَمُ “لاَ وَاللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ لاَ أُوثِرُ بِنَصِيبِي مِنْكَ أَحَدًا”. قَالَ فَتَلَّهُ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي يَدِهِ.
In this narration, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) asked a boy’s permission to give the drink to the elderly people first as the right thing to do is to start with whoever is on your right. But the boy said no, as he wanted to drink after the Prophet (peace be upon him) directly. The Prophet (peace be upon him) was not angry with him and gave him the cup.
At What Age Should You Teach Your Kid Good Manners:
Manners start early. It is advisable to start as early as 1 year old by introducing basic pleasantries like “thank you”, “please”, “excuse me”, etc., and using kind greetings, like “Alssalm Allikum”, “how are you”, and “goodbye”. This makes the young toddler understand that they are respected and loved and that they in turn need to show respect and love towards others.
Then, you can introduce more deep good manners when your kid is 2-3 years old when they start to understand the concept of right and wrong, like “keep your voice low”, etc. However, The golden age to teach these manners to your child is from 7 years old.
In this context, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“Teach a boy Salat (the prayer) when he attains the age of seven years, and punish him (if he does not offer it) at ten. (Riyad as-Salihin 302).
.علموا الصبي الصلاة لسبع سنين واضربوه عليها ابن عشر سنين””
In this Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) urges us to teach a boy prayer when he is 7. So this is the appropriate age for other average-scale teachings.
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Conclusion
Good Islamic manners have a significant impact individually and collectively. However, teaching is not an easy mission. It needs great patience, dedication, and consistency on the part of the parents, family members, and the School and Masjid community. Also, this needs to be done in a gentle, wise, and loving manner.
Remember that all leaders of today’s world have once been kids and the kind of teaching and morals they have (or have not) received is what formulated the basis of their actions and choices today. Let’s invest in our kids and provide them with the kind of Islamic manners that will make them great leaders in the near future.
